Why We Laugh at Funerals

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Why do we always laugh when it seems inappropriate? Is this a Southern thing? In our family, we cry and we grieve, but when the lights dim and everyone leaves except for the few who are willing to stay late into night, someone always finds a way to make everyone laugh, no matter how impossible it may seem at the time.

Although it is becoming less common, most of the wakes in my family have been all night affairs.  When Daddy died I did not want him to be alone for as long as possible.  I know it may sound silly to some, but I adored my father and was not ready to let him go.  I think some of our close family members stayed for a while so Moma and I could rest and change, but not before we had a hell a a scare.

I don't even remember much of Daddy's funeral because his death was so unexpected and so unnecessary that I had to be given medication to get through most

of the wake.   However, there is something that I definitely DO remember; Daddy made me laugh.

If anyone knew how big a chicken I was it was my father.  He used to like to tease me about it, so it was no big surprise when all of the lights in the funeral parlor went out at one in the morning.  There were about nine or ten of us still in the room.   All cried out, we began telling stories about funny things Daddy had done to each of us.  All of a sudden, darkness filled the room.  There was no storm, but half the town was suddenly without electricity.  I think I tried to scream, but nothing came out.  Instead, the generator kicked on within a few seconds and I could see me Uncle D's shoulders shaking with muffled laughter. Suddenly what was PROBABLY a coincidence turned into the comic relief we all desperately needed.  My uncle chuckled and said, "Boy, your Daddy sure had the last laugh."  We all felt his presence, and not in a spooky way.  We suddenly knew that even though we would still miss him desperately, the memories that he left us with would bind us to him and to each other for life.

When my Mawmaw died a few years later, someone else provided the amusement.  We were all kneeling down in the funeral parlor as we said the rosary in unison.  For anyone who has never heard it, it is beautiful but (sorry Mawmaw) extremely boring.  Mawmaw's rosary was not boring because we laughed so much through the whole thing that I think the priest thought that we were either high, crazy or possessed.

My mother's cousin, Cousin M., is loved by everyone.  She is a generous, loving, woman.  She is also one of the loudest people this side of the Mississippi.  On that particular day, I realized that she was also hard of hearing.  As the rest of us would finish the "Our Father" and wait for the priest to begin the next prayer, she would come in a line behind and ten times as loud as everyone with, "And deliver us from evil, AMEN!"  I looked at my Moma who had been crying for days, and she gave me "the look" that told me not to laugh.  Then she put her head down and I saw her lips curl up.  Well, that's all it took.  I started to giggle.  Then Uncle D stated to giggle.  Pretty soon the two front rows were unable to complete one, "Amen."  Ironically, my Mawmaw would have been the one to tell us to shut up and stop laughing in the funeral home.  However, on that day, I think she understood that those few minutes of laughter helped us to get through the unbearable pain of letting her go.

Yesterday my Uncle D. passed away.  I'm realizing now that he was the one who usually made us laugh when we couldn't stop crying.  I know there will be plenty of amusing stories told about him at that funeral home, but no funeral will ever be the same without his infectious sense of humor.  However, if Cousin M. is there for the rosary, and God knows she will be, I know that he will be chuckling up in heaven with every loud, offbeat, "AMEN!"  I think I'll tell everyone that story tomorrow.

Thank you for your humor in times of darkness.  Rest in peace, Pan Dew.

















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What She Taught Me About Life

My grandmother grew up in the rural South in the early part of the 20th century.   She was born in 1915, before women even had the right to vote. She had to quit school in the fourth grade to help raise her four younger brothers and help her father in the fields.  Despite her lack of formal education, she was one of the smartest people I have ever known.

When I was growing up I spent almost as much time with my grandmother as I did with my parents.  My father worked in the oilfields and was sometimes gone for weeks at a time.  My mother worked a full time job Monday through Friday, so I spent the majority of my days with Mawmaw.  She had a tiny house, a less than ideal marriage, and a difficult life in general.  Yet, she had a lot of faith, gave a ton of love, and made the best out of everything she did have.   

I have been married twice, have had two children, and have graduated from college.  Yet, the older I get, the more I realize how much I learned from her.  In fact, I find that the older I get, the more I act like her, as my mother (her daughter) loves to remind me.  I lost her many years ago, and with every year that passes i realize that if I am half of the woman she was, I will be a success as a mother, a grandmother, and a human being.  

Though inspired by her, this blog is not just about my grandmother.  One important thing that she taught me was that everyone comes into our lives for a reason. Therefore, I will also be reminiscing about other colorful characters from my life who have had a significant impact on me or who have just amused the hell out of me. I think that others will be amused as well, especially by some of my rather "special" extended family members. I'll share stories, recipes and even my new glorious adventures as a first time grandmother.  

I am at a difficult point in my life.  I have many health problems, Empty Nest Syndrome and other issues that are are forcing me to find not only ways to pass the time, but also ways to find new purpose in my life.  This blog will document that journey.  I will use lessons that my beloved grandmother, and a few others,  taught me about family, friends, food, and life in general to find a renewed sense of fulfillment and purpose.  I hope that you will join me on my journey.  

LOVE, PEACE, & HAPPINESS!